11/24/2023 0 Comments Color me crazy rant sports![]() HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK? This is making my brain hurt. DeBeers suplexes him in from the apron to take over and goes up with a diving headbutt that misses, and we keep cutting back to the “sports bars” where people are supposedly watching this pre-taped show, featuring themselves, live. Have I mentioned how amazing this show is? It’s pretty fucking amazing. ![]() So we watch this in SUPER SLOW MO, which reveals that Diamond’s dropkick missed by three area codes while DeBeers sold it anyway. DeBeers works a headlock, but Diamond gets a leapfrog into a dropkick. Diamond tries it again and crashes into the corner, but DeBeers can’t get him over the top. Have they not heard about TIME ZONES? Are there sports bars open at 6am in Egypt or something supposedly watching this? Diamond gets a flying headscissors to start, but DeBeers boots him in the head to break. Speaking of beaming it into space, Greg and Ralph stress that they’re watching this “live from satellite base” along with everyone in sports bars live all over the world. They should be beaming this nonsense into space and storing it on the alien time capsule thing along with Jack White’s record so future generations and any visiting extraterrestrials will be warned never to watch it. This is the greatest and craziest bullshit ever. I mean, you have to check out this green-screen technology: “King of the Hill” means “over the top rope challenge” apparently. Of note is that Diamond says this is the first match in the Team Challenge Series, but we just had a recap of the point standings to date! Whoever emailed me to tell me that this was “unwatchable garbage” and not worth my time could not be more wrong if they were booking this show themselves. I mean, they green-screened a crowd for the entrances, so I would have to assume that the green-screened planet behind Diamond means that we’re supposed to literally believe he’s floating in space for this promo. Meanwhile, Paul Diamond cuts a promo, apparently from outer space. Apparently they knock each other down and the first one to get up wins, and in fact one of them gets up and wins. In the second round, they just give up the pretense of boxing and start doing a worked wrestling match while occasionally throwing punches and I literally have no idea what’s happening in the match or what the rules are. Is this related to the Team Challenge Series or even part of the AWA? No idea. Why they are all in bikinis is also never explained. To further cover up the lack of audience, the ring is surrounded by other random women in bikinis who I guess have some connection to this match that is never explained. Here’s the camera angle used for most of the match: Slaughter pretends to address DeBeers off-screen, and we cut to DeBeers in front of his own green screen ranting about taking orders from an enlisted man.Īnd now, actual foxy boxing, as we get a random match between “The Blond Bomber” and “Slaughterhouse Sean” and they do a terrible, TERRIBLE boxing match where the camera cuts like Kevin Dunn on a coke bender as they desperately try to use every first year film student trick possible to edit this into something watchable. ![]() DeBeers, and apparently DeBeers will disgrace America if he loses. Meanwhile, Slaughter continues hyping the main event, an over-the-top challenge match between Paul Diamond and Col. Also, you could tell it was a fake crowd put in via post-production, because they were actually reacting to an AWA show in 1989. Uh, why, exactly? The “crowd” noise was particularly obnoxious here, just meaningless background noise in a loop for the entire match. Greg notes that the ref should have disqualified the heels for coming off the top rope. Enos gets a powerslam on Lynn and the Crew finishes with a Doomsday Device at 4:42. The commentary team sounds like something out of an early WWE2K video game. Rice and Lynn keep double-teaming on Bloom this time while we cut to random unrelated reaction shots from the “crowd”, like Kevin Dunn’s wet dream, and Enos gets a cheap knee from the apron and Bloom hits a backdrop suplex on Lynn. Lynn and Rice double-team the arm of Mike Enos and completely control the team that’s supposed to be the future of the division and dominant champions. The brief promo from Sarge and Baron was the only time we’ve even heard about it. I should note that this is the second match into this show that’s supposed to be centered on the team point system and there’s still no mention of the actual point of the show: The Team Challenge Series.
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